thoughts from my heart

 My Dearest

Master and Tawanna,

Should I care that my Tawanna is upset once again?

“OF COURSE I DO”

Should I care that my Master takes it out on me when Tawanna isn’t speaking to him?

“OF COURSE I DO”

Should I care that when Tawanna isn’t speaking to me him… well there again she isn’t speaking to me?

“OF COURSE I DO”

Should I care that promises made are still promises broken?

“OF COURSE I DO”

I’m not stupid nor naive to believe that “life is made roses, sugar plums and even dancing fairies” and I know we’re not the Cosby family (the picture perfect American family) but in my heart, body, mind and soul we are a family even if we are dysfunctional at its best.

You know I may have “little girl dreams” but they are my dreams of being happy with the two people that make me complete. . I am a slave to you both. You both are my reasons for smiling, for getting up in the morning and waking up knowing that I am loved…

Tawanna you said, “I believe that you should have a mindset that you will serve whomever he wishes you to　serve. At the end of the day, you are his slave first and foremost. I've come to believe that I was never to be a part of that relationship. I've accepted it. I wish both you and your master to accept it too. That way you can have both worlds, both a master and mistress worthy of you and a slave worthy of a master and mistress.”

He wishes me for to serve you. I am not just his slave…I am YOUR slave as well.

It’s hard to see my Master not happy especially when you’re mad at him. It’s hard to know that you’re not talking to him because that means you’re not talking to me. It’s hard to know that you love two people so much that your heart skips beats when you hear their voices. I say to myself “starr, its damned if you do and damned if you don’t… it’s going to hurt either way” … “is it worth it?”

“ITS FUCKING WORTH EVERY MINUTE OF EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE KNOWING THAT I HAVE YOU BOTH, AND I SERVE YOU BOTH WITH MY WHOLE HEART, BODY, MIND AND SOUL”

But the way I feel is… too bad you don’t see it.

So, my question to you both? Is all this not talking, getting mad and whatever worth not being together?

We’re a family in some shape form or fashion of whatever that might be…